Tag: trust

The Peace That Surpasses All

I walked into church tonight with my body tense from anxiety. For weeks now, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and stressed…and for no good reason. Even though my mind knows I have nothing to fear and no reason for worry, my body seems to be in a constant state of panic. It’s amazing how we can know something in our heads and yet still struggle to let the idea take up residence in our hearts. Our actions sometimes are slow to respond to what our mind believes.

This has definitely been the case with me recently. I firmly believe…

  • God will equip me for everything He asks of me
  • Worrying is never helpful and God desires for us to trust Him with our needs
  • I am the Lord’s daughter, chosen, and beloved, and He delights in me even when I fail
  • His grace is sufficient for me!

I have no doubt that these statements are true. Yet I can’t always seem to get my heart to fully embrace these concepts and live like I believe them.

Today my sister reminded me that sometimes we have to do something more tangible to get ourselves to fully recognize what our head already knows. She suggested I say aloud some of these things so I could actually hear the words and experience them with my senses.

I did that, and it was amazing how much it helped. I went out on my porch and felt the cool breeze on my skin. I said a few of these reminders out loud and then I prayed audibly and fervently to the Lord to help me feel in my spirit His truth and wisdom. Clearly, if someone had walked up to my house at this moment, they might have thought I was a little crazy, visibly alone and yet talking out loud on my porch. But I didn’t care. It was exactly what I needed to do.

I believe God designed us to learn through our senses. We need reminders, rituals, ceremonies, celebrations, visual cues, and other tangible ways to experience and understand all He wants to teach us. So this verbal acknowledgement helped me internalize and feel what I already knew.

Unfortunately, I can’t say I was immediately free from all my anxiety. Like pesky lint that just won’t rub off, a few pieces of fear and worry held on tightly, no doubt attempts from Satan to steal my joy and rob me of peace. And to make matters worse, right before church, a situation arose with my oldest son that caused some extra tension. So when I walked into the church building tonight, I was still wrestling a bit with finding that “peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).” This promise from a scripture I have recited for years was in my head but still it felt just beyond my grasp.

Then we had a time of worship, and God so pointedly touched my heart while I sang the beautiful song “Lord, I Need You” by Matt Maher.

Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here, I find my rest
Without You, I fall apart
You're the one that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh I need You
Every hour, I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

As I sang this song, God filled my heart with such peace and joy. Admitting to the Lord that I need Him was so powerful, a beautiful reminder that I will find my rest only in Him, not in any other person or thing. As I professed to the Lord my dependence on Him, an image permeated my thoughts–a vision of me writing my worries on a paper, naming them, confessing them, and then handing that paper over to the Lord, literally placing it all in His hands.

When I got home tonight, I did this very thing. I quickly wrote out all the woes and responsibilities I had snatched from God and taken on as my own. Those things that swirled in my head but was afraid to actually say aloud, the fears I didn’t want to admit I had–I wrote those down too. Then I prayed and submitted all my fears and worries into my precious Savior’s hands. I folded the paper up and put it in my Bible on the page with the scripture of Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of god, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (NIV).”

On the one hand it seems like a silly ritual a child might do. On the other hand, this was an act of faith and a symbolic gesture that helped my heart and my mind connect.

I write all these things for two reasons. One, I want you to know that everyone struggles at times with worry and fear. There wouldn’t be so many scriptures about it otherwise! Even a person like me, who tends to seem all put together on the outside, has moments when I just can’t shake my doubts and live out my faith the way I know I should.

The second point is the most important…There is hope. Though you may occasionally journey into the land of anxiety, you don’t have to live there permanently. Trust God with your heart. Cast your cares on Him. Pray. Take time to acknowledge your fears and then lay them at the Lord’s feet.

“May the God of Hope fill you with all Joy and Peace as you trust in Him.” ~Romans 15:13

Before You Move…Be Still

Do you ever feel stuck, trapped in your current environment?

When we are in the midst of challenging circumstances, it’s easy to be discontent, depressed, even miserable. Sometimes our situation can feel so unbearable we imagine we must be in the wrong place. How could living in God’s will be this painful?

We need relief and imagine it will only come if we move out of our present situation–quit a job, break up a relationship, join a different church, relocate to another city…

I’ve been there. I have been so desperate for change that I almost couldn’t breathe, like the air in my surroundings was sucking the life out of me. I’d cry out, “I can’t deal with this any longer!”

During one such moment, I remember making a bold decision that would have drastically changed my circumstances. After talking it over with some friends, I was determined to move forward with my action plan. However, as I drove home that evening, I kept hearing a voice in my head, emploring me to spend 100 days in prayer before taking any steps. Ugh! I did not want to wait. I needed relief NOW! 

I had been praying over this decision for months, years. I had looked for God’s guidance in the pages of Scripture and had sought wise counsel from several Christian friends. I felt as though I had been patient, waiting for the Lord to show me what to do…and He had given me my answer…or had He?

Had I heard from the Lord or had I decided I was tired of waiting for him to relieve my frustrations?

“100 days of prayer” echoed in my mind, and I couldn’t push it away. I don’t know where that number came from; I don’t believe there’s anything special about the exact number. But I am convinced the Holy Spirit was speaking to me powerfully in my desperation, helping me recognize the importance of being still before the Lord long enough to discern his voice. So I vowed to do just that–put off taking any further action and simply lay this decision before the Lord for one hundred days.

Ladies, it did not take one hundred days for God to very clearly tell me, “No!” and show me a different path he wanted me to take. Almost immediately and daily, the Lord spoke to me in various ways–through the Bible study book I was already reading, songs on the radio, texts from friends, scriptures “magically” appearing on Facebook posts, and sermons that seemed to be written just for me. I heard from the Lord repeatedly and obviously that I should not move forward and simply wait on Him.

So I waited. Relief did not come immediately, but overwhelming peace did. My environment didn’t change much, but I did. As I waited on the Lord and trusted He would bless my obedience, I found ways to persevere, overcome, and see with a new perspective. Slowly my circumstances improved, and God brought healing, comfort, and relief to my situation. 

Exodus 14:14 says, “The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.” 

If you are anxious to move, determined to step forward on a path, I encourage you to stop for a moment (or one hundred days) to be still. Let all the bustling of life fade to the background. Block out distractions. Stop moving so you can see where and how God is already acting in your life. 

Listen. Wait. Watch.

I promise–the Lord will fight for you! Be still so you don’t miss it!

Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

Bringing Our Loaves and Fish to Jesus

Sometimes we feel overwhelmed by our responsibilities. The story of Jesus feeding the 5000 reminds us to offer what we have to Jesus, and allow him to work the miracles in our lives.

Today I just feel overwhelmed…overwhelmed by the weight of all my responsibilities, wondering if I’m doing all I need to do, questioning my choices, and concerned about the future. Some days I wake up and live in a more robot-like state, doing the day’s tasks without thinking too deeply about it, on autopilot. Usually, I can push down all those negative thoughts, stuffing them way back in my mind where I only vaguely notice them, so I am able to get through the day joyfully and peacefully. But this morning, my thoughts are racing, and I feel a heavy weight in my soul as I begin the day.

Personally, I am especially worried about my children today. Yesterday I gave my daughter a reading assessment, and it opened my eyes to the depth of her struggles. It’s not that I didn’t already know she has profound reading problems; she’s is about 5 years below grade level in her reading. But watching her take the assessment, I became more acutely aware of each type of challenge she faces. She probably has dyslexia and may have some hearing issues. And this is just the beginning. My 2 special needs kids have so many difficulties I can’t begin to list them. When some parents are worried about whether or not their kids will get into college, I’m wondering if mine will ever be able to live independently, have a job, or drive a car. All of this weighs heavily on my heart, and I feel such a huge responsibility in trying to address all these challenges.

Of course, the point of this post is not for me to describe all my specific problems. The point is that we all have things like this that overwhelm us…financial strains, health problems, emotional struggles, and so forth. It is easy to look at whatever lies in front of us and feel ill-equipped, inadequate, and completely incapable of tackling the situation. We need miracles, and we know we can’t perform miracles…at least not on our own.

When I feel this way, I try to stop myself and listen to the voice of Jesus. I hear him gently comfort me and whisper encouragement in my ear. And I recall the story of him feeding the 5000. In Matthew 14:13-21, Jesus tells his disciples to give the crowds something to eat. Yes, he did give them the responsibility of taking care of the people, just like he gives us responsibilities in our lives. He didn’t just say, I’ll do it all. Jesus does expect something of us and wants our active participation. But exactly what is our part? What does he expect of us?

The disciples respond by saying, “We have here only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.” The disciples can’t offer much, but they bring what they have. They know what they have is meager and, frankly, doesn’t even come close to meeting the crowd’s food demands. But they bring it anyway. They offer what they have.

Then Jesus says, “Bring them here to me,” and he is the one that performs the miracle and feeds the 5000. This is what Jesus says to us, “Bring me what you have. I know how to use what you have to work miracles.”

How do I face today with so much weighing on my heart and such responsibility in front of me? I look around and find my “loaves and fishes.” One day it may be that all I have to offer is simply my willingness and enthusiasm. Another day it may be that I can find a specific task to accomplish. Personally, today I am going to research a specialized reading curriculum for my daughter. I can’t solve all her reading problems today, but I can do this one thing. Oftentimes our “loaves and fishes” seem so inadequate we almost feel ridiculous offering them up. I’m sure the disciples felt the same, offering only 5 loaves and 2 fish for 5000 people. But Jesus didn’t say, “Well, that won’t work. Throw those out, and I’ll cook up something great.” Instead, he told them to bring them to him. Jesus wants us to humbly offer what we have to him, actively doing our part and trusting him to do the rest.

Today, if you are feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath and rest in Jesus. Look around and see what “loaves and fish” you can offer to him. Don’t worry about whether it seems like enough. But believe in miracles and trust in God’s perfect power, plan, and provision. The Lord knows just what to do with what you have to offer!

What Are Your Dreams?

Sometimes God doesn’t fulfill our dreams, but He always give us what we need.

When you were young, did you ever play MASH with your friends? It’s a creative exercise where you write down possibilities for the type of house you will live in, the car you will drive, the person you will marry, the job you will do, the number of children you will have, or other aspects of your future. You write down your dreams but also some options that would be the opposite of your desire. There are a variety of ways to play, but ultimately you end up circling one option in each category and this supposedly foretells your future. Of course, during the process, you are crossing your fingers that you won’t get certain unfortunate options, like the shack and the station wagon.

One of the fun aspects of this game is that each person’s unique personality impacts what is written on the paper and represents a “win” in this game. For some, a cozy cottage in England would be just perfect, while others desperately want a mansion in LA. When I played, I always wanted the mansion and a convertible sports car. I remember daydreaming with my sisters about where we would want to live when we were older. Some wanted a country farm, away from the hustle and bustle of the city–quiet, charming, simple. Not me. I wanted a castle house. You know, those houses that have all the intricate rooflines, made of brick and stone, that you drive by and think, “Wow, that looks like a castle!” That’s what I wanted. I absolutely did NOT want to live in the country, be on a farm, or be away from the city. I desired to be right in the middle of it all and have all the glitz and glamour of city life. My parents jokingly remarked one time that I better make sure I marry for money if I’m going to have all I was dreaming of.

So flash forward about 30 years, and where am I now? I live in a single wide mobile home on 2.5 acres of land in the country. We have chickens in our backyard, I drive a minivan, and I can assure you my life has no glitz or glamour. We live a modest, simple life…and I love it!

What happened to my dreams? How did I go from having a real aversion to living in the country to having such delight in my country home? My only explanation is that God understands our dreams better than we do ourselves, and He has given me the dream He knew I needed. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Some may translate this as, “Believe in the Lord, and He will give you what you want (assuming it’s within His will).” But when I read this verse, I hear it as, “Trust in the Lord and commit yourself to following His will, and God will change your heart so you desire what He wants you to have.” Honestly, I’m not a Biblical scholar, so I’m not sure what the original meaning of those words is. But my interpretation of the verse is what God has shown to be true in my life so many times. If I will fully embrace God, trust Him, and submit my will to Him, then He will transform my life and my dreams to match His.

I never specifically decided I didn’t want to live in the city. I did not weigh the pros and cons and make a choice that country life was what I needed. God simply spent years transforming my heart, changing my desires, and drawing me close to Him. Through so many varied experiences and the power of the Spirit, God lovingly put in my heart the desires I now have.

So I don’t look back at lost dreams as a regret. My childish dreams may have satisfied me for a moment, but I am thankful God did not give me what I asked for. He knew the joy I would feel looking out at the trees and listening to the birds’ beautiful song. He understood how much I would appreciate the space for our children to run and play outside. And He recognized the benefit I would gain from living a simple, modest life, rather than feeling the pressure that sometimes comes with the “glitz and glamour.” Instead of feeling regret, I smile and cherish the tender way God has given me beyond what I dreamed, better than what I imagined, and more than I expected. 

God is the ultimate dream maker. What unexpected dreams has he inspired in you?

Walking by Flashlight

Since we can only see one step at a time, our journey of faith requires trust and dependence on God. Are you willing to walk by faith and not by sight?

I am a planner! I love to think three steps ahead so I can be prepared for anything. Unfortunately, life does not always allow me this luxury. As if life wasn’t already full of ups and downs, now with COVID, I never know how my plans might change from day today. From quarantines to canceled gatherings to unexpected illnesses, each day has unanticipated surprises. Some of you may thrive on the spontaneous nature of life, but I find it frustrating and extremely challenging.

In the song, “Still” by Hillary Scott, she sings “I get scared when I can’t see the end and all you want from me is to let go.” That is me! I can handle almost anything if I can see how it is going to end or where the path is leading. But put me in a situation where I cannot plan much in advance or predict what will happen, and I start feeling panicky.

However, I have realized that mostly this is by God’s design, not by accident. When the Israelites were in the desert, God could have chosen to mark a path to the Promised Land the whole way from beginning to end. But instead, He guided them daily, only giving them enough food for one day at a time. Because of this, the Israelites had to rely on God. They had to look to Him to show the path and provide for their needs. Independence was not an option, and trust was critical.

As I ponder this method of God’s guidance, it reminds me of a father carefully walking his child on a path through a dark forest. In one hand, the father gently holds the tender hand of his child with a firm grip, making sure to squeeze just enough to provide assurance and yet not so much it is stifling. With the other hand, he holds a small flashlight. With it, he illuminates just enough of the path that the child can see the next few steps. The father knows the path very well; he knows where every low-lying branch is above and where every small hole in the path will be. He knows where the trail turns, when it gets narrow, and when there is a treacherous cliff close by. The father also knows exactly where the path will end and what the breathtaking view will be like when they arrive.

Though the father knows the way well, the child is hesitant and unsure of what to expect. Surrounded by such darkness, only able to see small bits and pieces of the illuminated path, she must trust her father knows the way and will guide her accurately. She must expect he will protect her and let her know when she needs to duck for a branch or walk around an obstacle. If she lets go of his hand, she may find herself less likely to sense his perfect guidance. If she tries to walk ahead without him, she may find herself way off course or in a dangerous circumstance. It is best for her to take small steps, holding closely to her father’s hand, listening to his careful warnings, and willing to obey instantly when he gives direction. I can see this girl holding her father’s hand, looking up at him with such awe and trust, confident he will not fail her. She is safe, and she doesn’t need anything else but him.

This is the girl I long to be. Instead of desperately trying to take the flashlight away so I can run ahead and find my own way, I pray I can breathe deeply of my Father’s goodness and truly walk my path in peace, knowing He will show me every step I must take. Instead of squinting my eyes to try to discern what lurks ahead in the darkness, I hope to be focused only on what the flashlight illuminates, recognizing that God is pointing the light in a certain place for a specific purpose, trying to show me exactly what I need to see. If I spend so much time trying to look ahead, I may miss what he is pointing out right in front of my feet! I desire to trust Him so completely I stop asking Him, “Are we there yet?” and just enjoy each moment of the journey.

2 Corinthians 5:7 reminds us we “walk by faith, not by sight.” We push forward on our way not because we can see the end, but because we trust the One who is leading us. Today, as we each encounter the uncertainties of life and the surprises on our paths, I pray we will remember to grab hold of our heavenly Father’s hand, breath a deep sigh of relief that we have the perfect all-knowing guide right beside us, and then confidently take the next step on our journey without worrying about all the rest.

What do I really mean when I say “I can’t?”

My sweet James says very few words, but one phrase he has down well is “I can’t.” The other day, I asked him to pick up a piece of playdoh he had purposely thrown on the floor. He looked at me and in a whining voice said, “I can’t.” I stared straight back at him and replied, “Yes, you can!” He proceeded to argue, and of course, that’s when my stubborn streak kicked in. It was a stand-off. Would he pick up the playdoh or not? Would I back down or stand firm?

It took about 30 minutes of me standing post between the kitchen (where the playdoh was) and the hallway to his bedroom, insisting that he could not go play unless he picked up that piece of playdoh, before he finally chose to obey. He slowly scooped up the playdoh, dropped it in the trash can, and immediately started to sob. Of course, I hugged him and told him how proud I was of him for obeying, but it took a little while for the tears to subside.

I’m not certain why James started to cry, but this is something he does often when he finally submits and obeys. I’ve noticed this reaction many times and I have wondered what he is really feeling inside that brings out such intense emotion. My suspicion is that he is overcome with a reality we all must face–submitting your will is hard and requires allowing a little part of yourself to die and yet it also comes with a sense of relief. Galatians 5:24 says, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires,” and Jesus reminds us that “anyone who would come after me must deny himself (Luke 9:23).” When we obey, it requires us to sacrifice the fleshly part of us that wants our own way. It demands we fully recognize that our way is not best. That is not easy, and it hurts! But when we do it, God’s spirit within us can’t help but rejoice also. Even in the emotional pain of having to lose part of our fleshly selves, we know deep inside that what we did was good and pleasing to God. So maybe when James obeys he is feeling the sadness of having surrendered or maybe he’s feeling a tiny sense of relief and pride in that he chose the better way.

As I continue to reflect on story about James and the playdoh, I also am struck by how he so quickly said, “I can’t,” when I knew he could. It is true that there are many things James can’t do. He can’t read. He can’t ride a bike. He can’t cut his own food with a knife. But James can bend down, pick something off the floor, and put it in a trash can. There’s no question about whether or not he can do that. So why did he say he can’t do something. What did he really mean?

I tend to believe that what James meant was, “I don’t want to.” Oh, how easy it is to make excuses for things when we don’t want to do something. I realized how often we adults do the same thing when we clearly hear God call us to do a task that seems overwhelming, uninteresting, or just not something we want to do! I have to admit I often immediately start listing reasons in my head why I can’t do whatever it is God has asked. “I don’t have the time.” “I don’t know how.” “I don’t have the money or resources.” I’m never honest and say, “I don’t want to.” I talk around the issue and dig my heels in. Sometimes I even just wait a while and hope God forgets that he asked me to do something or I act like I didn’t hear Him. I mean really, when I truly analyze what tactics I will use to avoid doing something I KNOW God wants me to do, I must admit I can be ridiculously childish. Anyone else out there willing to admit to this?

Of course, God does not always insist on His own way, like I did with James. He allows us the freedom to stubbornly refuse to obey. And oh how many blessings we miss when we do. If James had just obeyed immediately without even thinking about it, he would have avoided so much frustration and tears. If he had been able to look past the fact that he didn’t want to do something and skip right to the part where he realized all would go much better if he just obeyed, then the story of the playdoh would have been one of joy and peace instead of sadness and tension.

As I continue in my journey of faith, my desire is to take “I can’t” out of my vocabulary and stop making excuses for not answering God’s call. I must not focus on my own weaknesses, inabilities, or desires but remember to trust God’s plan, His ability, and His provision. Maybe I can’t, but GOD CAN. If I will ever truly die to myself and surrender my will to the Lord completely, how many moments of sadness, regret, and suffering I might forego. I might shed some tears at the time, but maybe they’ll be tears of joy!