In about a week, my book, Sister Talk, is going to be available on Amazon. It seems unreal. Never in my life did I think I would be a published author.
I’ve daydreamed of being a famous singer. I’ve thought about creating my own math curriculum and imagined having a huge online math course business. To be honest, I have even desperately hoped to be Miss America (obviously in my younger years.) But not once did I have the dream of writing a book. That plan is all God’s. So let me tell you the story of how this book came into being.
About ten years ago, God started whispering in my ear that He wanted me to write. He didn’t say what or how or when or why. I just kept feeling Him urging me to write. I often put Him off, questioned Him, and flat out ignored Him. I would say, “I don’t know how!” or “What would I write?” or “I don’t have time.” Occasionally I would pull out a journal and write some things down, but I never fully embraced this calling. Ultimately, I allowed myself to believe I must have misheard God. Surely, He did not really mean for me to write a book.
You see, I am not a writer by occupation or even for recreation. Before beginning this book, I had written only a handful of things that were not for a school project—some notes for a few speeches and an occasional journal entry. Overall, writing has never been my hobby or love. I am a math teacher at heart. I received my undergraduate degree in Mathematics and Education and then my Masters in Curriculum and Instruction. I have always had a passion for education.
However, God loves to use us in ways we never imagined. He delights in pulling us and stretching us beyond our abilities, all the while showing us how amazingly He equips us for whatever mission to which He calls us.
The title Sister to Sister echoed in my mind over the years. A few times, I chose to write a short blurb about my experiences with my sisters or how they had ministered to me. But I never put much effort into any of it. I was busy with life—kids, church, and other ministries. However, the COVID Pandemic of 2020 halted most activities. Everything slowed down, and, for the first time, I found myself bored, wondering what to do with myself.
One afternoon in August, I laid down on my couch and prayed for God to help me see how I should spend my extra time. “God, show me what You want me to do.” Ladies, I have never before heard God’s voice so clearly, “Get up and write a book about sisters!” Of course, this was not an audible voice or in a burning bush, like with Moses. However, it was unmistakable that the Holy Spirit was telling me what I should do. For the first time in all these years of hearing His gentle nudges, I knew I could not ignore God’s prompting any longer. Though this task was somewhat scary and intimidating, I was immediately filled with enthusiasm and a desire to share everything God has taught me about the Sister in Christ relationship. So . . . I got out my laptop, found those snippets of things I had written over the years, and started writing.
This last year has been a surprising and glorious adventure with my Lord.
At first, I didn’t have much of a plan. I just wrote. It was amazing how quickly it came. Within only a few days, I had written about 10,000 words. But then I hit a wall. I couldn’t think of anything else to write. I had scraps of paper with various ideas, sticky notes all over the place, and my mind was swirling with thoughts. Taking all these thoughts and ideas and forming them into a book seemed like an insurmountable task.
At one point, I talked with my sisters about it. They helped me think about how this book did not have to be a perfectly outlined and organized thesis paper, but more like a letter to a friend. That opened my mind up and helped me not worry so much about getting everything perfect. I just wrote letters to my Sisters in Christ, sharing my faith.
In September, I finished the very first draft of the book, about 17,800 words. I printed it and gave it to my sisters. I was elated. It felt like I imagine people feel when giving birth, like something they’ve waited for has finally happened. It felt like a sweet adventure that God and I had been on together. He had given me words that I didn’t even know were in me. I felt close to him, cared for by him, and proud of myself for being willing to do this with him. It was a little scary, but I knew it was right and good.
But that joy didn’t last. Satan quickly attacked my resolve and my confidence. I got distracted, overwhelmed, and depressed.
I had a lot to learn in how to write and self-publish a book. So many choices and so many different mountains to climb to get to the finish line. How do I create all the extra parts in a book–acknowledgments, introduction, endnotes? Do I need a preface? How do I format my book? How do I apply for a copyright license? It hasn’t been all fun and glamorous. At times, I felt overwhelmed by all that I didn’t know.
Often, when I would get stuck or stressed, I recognized that I was not spending enough time with God. So many times during this writing journey, I went to my porch, sat and looked out at the beautiful trees, listened to the birds, and just fervently prayed for God to give me wisdom, help, and comfort. These were not weak, general prayers. I talked with him about my concerns and openly confessed my frustrations at this whole process. I begged and pleaded with him. “God, I know you want me to do this, but I don’t know how. Show me. Help me. I can’t do this without you!” EVERY time I asked God for help, He provided more than I asked for.
I remember one time when I had been stuck on my introduction for days, and I walked back into the house after one such prayer and finished my introduction in a few hours. Another time, when I had written no words for weeks, I went inside and wrote about 5000 words that day. God has been faithful during this whole experience to guide me, help me, and equip me.
But just because God calls you to a mission or wants you to take a certain path doesn’t mean it will always be fun or easy. Sometimes it is just hard work! There were times when I realized I simply had to be obedient. Sometimes I didn’t want to write or do whatever editing task was at hand. But I had to practice self-discipline and make myself get out the laptop and work.
Sharing my work with others has been very humbling. It is like standing naked in front of someone and asking them if you are beautiful or worthy. My work is personal. It represents a very special moment between me and God and also a willingness for me to try something new. So if people don’t like it, it is disheartening. I know it shouldn’t matter to me, but it sometimes does. Throughout this process, I have had to pray a lot to focus not on other’s opinions but on God’s guidance.
After each round of editing, when I would share my book with beta readers and read their suggestions, critiques, and opinions, I was faced with a powerful decision. Whose voice will I listen to? Yes, God used these others to speak to me and give me wisdom, but I could not allow their comments to overshadow His words. In the end, I had to ask God which edits to keep and which edits to toss out the window.
I had to continually remind myself to write for an audience of ONE–my Lord–offering every word solely to Him.
As I look back on this experience, I am filled with abundant joy from all God has shown me of Himself during this past year.
- God truly does give us the desires of our hearts. I never wanted to write a book, but the Lord placed that dream in my heart. He is a dream-maker who gives us dreams and hopes and desires beyond our own imagination.
- God will equip us for whatever task he calls us to. We don’t have to worry that we don’t have what it takes–He does!
- God is faithful. He wants to help us and provide for us. But sometimes He does wait for us to come to Him and ask. So I need to stop striving and trying to do everything on my own, and I must spend more time abiding.
I am so thankful He called me to do this task. At times it has been exhausting and stressful, but overall it has been an incredible, growing adventure.
God has an adventure he wants to take with each one of us. What path is He asking you to travel down? Will you follow Him? Take that leap of faith, the first step, and enjoy the journey with your Lord!
Growing By Surprise 