Growing in Faith – Page 2 – Growing By Surprise

Passing the Torch

I love it when God reveals something to me in scripture that I have never seen before! So let me share it with you.

In Joshua 1:9, God declares, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

I have heard this verse quoted so many times. In fact, I even have a plaque on my wall with it. It is a great verse that shares one of God’s promises, not only to the Israelites but also to us. I love this verse, so I decided to dig deeper into it and study it in context. Here’s a quick summary:

Moses has just died, and the Lord is declaring Joshua as the Israelites’ new leader. He tells them that they are about to cross the Jordan River into the land He has promised them, and He reminds Joshua of all His promises. He says He will be with Joshua as He was with Moses and never leave him. He also gives a short warning that they must obey God’s law and meditate on it, but he ends with the exhortation to be strong and courageous because He will be with them.

When I think of all the things God could have told Joshua, it warms my heart to think of the tenderness of God. He could have given Joshua a long list of commands and strategies. “Ok, Joshua, get out some paper, and write down this list of things to do and what to pack.” He could have used scare tactics to convince Joshua he better obey. “I am the Lord of the earth. I can smite you down with one breath, so you better do exactly as I say.” He could have given him a “Suck it up, buttercup” type of speech, reminding Joshua that things could always be worse.

Instead, God gave Joshua a pep talk. He knew what Joshua had to do was hard and terrifying, so God chose to encourage him. Our Lord wants to be our encourager, too. Our God is not unaware of the challenges we face. He knows our struggles and our temptations and does everything He can to move us in the right direction, guard us from our own sinfulness, and give us what we need for each moment.

So what happens after this pep talk? That’s the part I never really noticed. What did Joshua do in response? He shared this message with his people. He told the people to get ready, and he reminded them of all that the Lord would give them. In fact, he talks about the Lord giving them or having given them something five times in the next few verses…

“Take possession of the land the Lord your God is giving you for your own” (v 11)
“The Lord your God will give you rest by giving you this land.” (v 13)
“Until the Lord gives them rest, as he has done for you” (v 15)
“Until they too have taken possession of the land the Lord your God is giving them” (v 15)

Joshua doesn’t just give the people orders. He reminds them of the Lord’s hand in their mission.

I’ve read this passage so many times in my life, but this time, what stood out to me was this “passing of the torch” aspect of our walk with God. God whispers to us, mentors us, and reminds us of HIS promises to us. Then our response should be to turn around and share that with others in our lives. We don’t keep that to ourselves. We remind all those we meet about how faithful God is in keeping His promises and how he will “be with us everywhere we go.”

On a more personal note: I know that if you were to hand-pick a scripture about sharing your faith with others, the first chapter of Joshua is not the one you would choose. In fact, I wouldn’t even say that the purpose of this scripture is to remind us of that aspect of our spiritual journey. But God’s Word is powerful and speaks to us individually in amazing ways.

Earlier this week, I read a book about studying God’s Word in more depth. It inspired me to look at scripture with new eyes. It reminded me to explore the original context of the passage and always search for what the verse reveals about God and His character. So I did that very thing with Joshua 1:9, a verse so familiar it had almost lost its impact. This blog post is a result of that newly inspired study technique. I hope it has encouraged you to read God’s Word with fresh eyes, eagerly anticipating Him to speak to you in new and exciting ways.

What Are Your Dreams?

Sometimes God doesn’t fulfill our dreams, but He always give us what we need.

When you were young, did you ever play MASH with your friends? It’s a creative exercise where you write down possibilities for the type of house you will live in, the car you will drive, the person you will marry, the job you will do, the number of children you will have, or other aspects of your future. You write down your dreams but also some options that would be the opposite of your desire. There are a variety of ways to play, but ultimately you end up circling one option in each category and this supposedly foretells your future. Of course, during the process, you are crossing your fingers that you won’t get certain unfortunate options, like the shack and the station wagon.

One of the fun aspects of this game is that each person’s unique personality impacts what is written on the paper and represents a “win” in this game. For some, a cozy cottage in England would be just perfect, while others desperately want a mansion in LA. When I played, I always wanted the mansion and a convertible sports car. I remember daydreaming with my sisters about where we would want to live when we were older. Some wanted a country farm, away from the hustle and bustle of the city–quiet, charming, simple. Not me. I wanted a castle house. You know, those houses that have all the intricate rooflines, made of brick and stone, that you drive by and think, “Wow, that looks like a castle!” That’s what I wanted. I absolutely did NOT want to live in the country, be on a farm, or be away from the city. I desired to be right in the middle of it all and have all the glitz and glamour of city life. My parents jokingly remarked one time that I better make sure I marry for money if I’m going to have all I was dreaming of.

So flash forward about 30 years, and where am I now? I live in a single wide mobile home on 2.5 acres of land in the country. We have chickens in our backyard, I drive a minivan, and I can assure you my life has no glitz or glamour. We live a modest, simple life…and I love it!

What happened to my dreams? How did I go from having a real aversion to living in the country to having such delight in my country home? My only explanation is that God understands our dreams better than we do ourselves, and He has given me the dream He knew I needed. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Some may translate this as, “Believe in the Lord, and He will give you what you want (assuming it’s within His will).” But when I read this verse, I hear it as, “Trust in the Lord and commit yourself to following His will, and God will change your heart so you desire what He wants you to have.” Honestly, I’m not a Biblical scholar, so I’m not sure what the original meaning of those words is. But my interpretation of the verse is what God has shown to be true in my life so many times. If I will fully embrace God, trust Him, and submit my will to Him, then He will transform my life and my dreams to match His.

I never specifically decided I didn’t want to live in the city. I did not weigh the pros and cons and make a choice that country life was what I needed. God simply spent years transforming my heart, changing my desires, and drawing me close to Him. Through so many varied experiences and the power of the Spirit, God lovingly put in my heart the desires I now have.

So I don’t look back at lost dreams as a regret. My childish dreams may have satisfied me for a moment, but I am thankful God did not give me what I asked for. He knew the joy I would feel looking out at the trees and listening to the birds’ beautiful song. He understood how much I would appreciate the space for our children to run and play outside. And He recognized the benefit I would gain from living a simple, modest life, rather than feeling the pressure that sometimes comes with the “glitz and glamour.” Instead of feeling regret, I smile and cherish the tender way God has given me beyond what I dreamed, better than what I imagined, and more than I expected.

God is the ultimate dream maker. What unexpected dreams has he inspired in you?

Glowing in the Dark

As Christians, what does it take for us to glow in the dark?

My husband and I have a funny habit of losing the remote control to our tv almost every night! After Casey selects a tv show, he will usually lay the remote on his chest and then drift off to sleep. Right before he falls all the way asleep, he will rouse just enough to either hand me the remote or turn off the tv himself. If the remote has moved at all and he cannot find it quickly, he will ask me where I put it. Of course, I’m usually half asleep myself, so I grumpily will say some snide remark like, “Wherever you put it,” or “You had it last.” Then we both will spend a few minutes groping all over the covers trying to find the remote. By then, one or both of us is fully awake again, and now we have to choose another show to put us to sleep. And the ritual will start all over again. The problem with our remote control is that it is white, and our comforter is mostly white, so it blends in very easily. Thus, my brilliant Christmas present gift to us both this year was a glow-in-the-dark remote control cover. Problem solved…or so I thought.

At first, it seemed to be just what we needed. When the lights are on, it is a bright blue that contrasts well with our comforter. Then once the lights are off, it glows a very subtle blue–not enough to be irritating, but just enough to be visible in the dark. But there is one problem with glow-in-the-dark items, they only glow when they have had enough exposure to the light. So if the lights in our bedroom have not been on much before bedtime, the remote will barely glow. Ugh.

Last night, as I struggled once again to find the remote and pondered this aspect of glow-in-the-dark objects, it occurred to me that the Christian’s journey is much like this. We are not a self-sustaining source of light. We derive our light from God. When we are living in His light, abiding in Him, breathing Him in, absorbing all He has to offer, then we are able to glow brightly even in the darkest moments. But when we become so distracted that we fail to spend time with Him in prayer or study His Word, then our light often dims or fades altogether. When the dark comes–those difficult situations or challenges that test or tempt us–we may find that we do not shine as brightly as we had hoped we would.

I know this is definitely true in my life. Almost without fail, if I start to notice that impatience or anger are getting the best of me or I’m starting to become overly depressed or worried, I will recognize that I also am not prioritizing my time with the Lord during that period of time. Usually, the times when my spiritual “fruit” is not looking very tasty coincide with the periods when I am not abiding in Christ. There is a direct relationship between the amount of time I spend with the Lord and the amount of “glowing” I do in my relationships with others.

Confession time…these last few weeks have been a time when I have not been spending as much time in prayer and study…and it shows! I noticed that I have not been writing as much recently, but I thought it was just the distraction of Christmas festivities. Yet, even when I had free time, I was not inspired to write anything. Then I realized a simple truth–it is very hard to pour out into others when I am not filling myself first. So I got back into God’s Word and spent some time in prayer. Almost immediately, my head was flooded with ideas of encouragement and wisdom I wanted to share with others. As I saturated myself with the light of Jesus, I became inspired, motivated, and more able to spread that light to others.

So the next time you find your light dimming or your glow fading, when you seem to lack enthusiasm for your Christian mission, when you’re finding it hard to produce spiritual “fruit,” or when the darkness seems to be overwhelming you, stop and take notice of how much true light you are letting into your life. Ask yourself, “Am I exposing myself to enough light that I can glow in the dark?”

Friends, I pray you seek Jesus daily and spend ample time soaking up His heavenly rays. Allow Jesus to flood your soul with so much light that you cannot help but glow in the dark!

Why Can’t I Have Your Life?

Do you suffer from life envy? Sometimes I do. This morning I browsed my Facebook news feed and instantly started feeling depressed. I saw posts of everyone’s “perfect” life and thought, “Why can’t I have your life?”

One woman shared beautiful photos and a description of their family’s advent tradition. I thought, “Yeah, well, try that at my home. One kid would be fighting over who got to light the candle and another would be fussing about having to sit and listen to an advent devotional.”

Another woman posted photos of her perfectly decorated mantel. It looked like something out of a magazine. I scanned my living room with toys strewn around, stockings lying on the floor because we have no mantel, and a variety of mismatched decorative Christmas items placed here and there. I promise you, the only way photos of my house will be in a magazine is if someone wants to show examples of homes that need decorating makeovers.

As I scrolled down, I saw a post about a family who was beginning their Christmas break already, two weeks before we will start ours. I could feel my face scowl a little as I thought, “We are so behind and my kids need so much help, there’s no way I can take a break.” Her declaration reminded me how overwhelmed I feel by my children’s learning disabilities and my heart sank a little thinking of everything I need to teach them.

Then I came to a photo of a woman standing in a beautiful house with a glorious Christmas tree. Her kids smiled and looked as if they were dancing joyfully as they trimmed the tree. My mind flashed to the terrible scene at our house just a week ago when our family attempted to decorate our Christmas tree. I won’t go into the details but it ended with one person crying, another person angry, and the tree was only half decorated. It certainly was not the joyous scene I saw on that Facebook post.

Can anyone relate? Do any of you peek into another person’s life and wonder why you can’t experience that same thing in your own life? I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I can’t seem to help myself. And it steals my joy every time.

So what do I do? How do I move forward today when my head is already filled with such negative thoughts suggesting my own life is not as desirable, enjoyable, valuable, or maybe even as spiritual as another’s?

First, I shift my perspective and try to view all of this from the point-of-view of those other women. If I shared my thoughts with each of those women, what would they say to me? I imagine them shaking their heads, gently smiling at me, convincing me that their lives are not as wonderful as they might appear, and maybe even suggesting they sometimes envy my life. I recognize that the snapshots of people’s lives we often see are not their whole story. Everyone has messy moments, undesirable circumstances, and parts of their lives they would rather people not see. We all know, “we can’t judge a book by its cover.” Well, we can’t discern the reality of a person’s life merely by a Facebook post or even what we see in simple daily interactions. People’s lives are much more complicated. So I remind myself that the life I’m envying at the moment certainly also has it’s own share of hardships and flaws too. Nobody’s life is perfect.

Then, I remind myself of some of the beautiful things in my own life. Thankfulness is key to contentment and joy. I must be honest about the great parts of my life and purposefully notice the specific ways God has blessed me. I may not have a huge house, but I don’t have a house payment either. I may not have a fireplace with a mantel, but that just saves me from another household chore of cleaning out that fireplace. Maybe we aren’t taking a break from school at the moment, but I am very fortunate to be able to homeschool our children and have the flexibility many others don’t have. Our family isn’t doing an advent devotional this year, but the delight my kids show when they see Buddy Elf (and Cindy, his elf sister) doing various funny things around the house is precious. Our Christmas tree decorating night didn’t go well the first time, but our family reconciled, forgave, and tried again a few days later. (A spirit of forgiveness is worth more than gold!) We had a great time the second time around, and our tree is filled with ornaments of sweet memories. The joy of Christmas is still alive in our home, though it may reveal itself in unique ways. As I continue filling my thoughts with gratitude, the jealousy fades and is replaced with joy.

Finally, I center my thoughts on Jesus and His desires for me. When I assess my life, I must see it through His eyes, not the world’s. I must push aside all my preconceived notions of what is perfect, beautiful, and worthy, and seek only His will. When He looks at my life, what does He see? If I view my life as a movie or photo being critiqued by others, needing to be perfectly edited, staged, or cropped in order to be considered worthy, I will quickly lose focus, become distraught, and miss the Lord’s sweet gifts to me. I must live for an audience of one, only concerned with God’s perspective.

So as I begin my day, I let all those images of other people’s “perfect” lives drift out of my head. Instead, I allow God to whisper encouragement to me. He sees each moment of my life, from the chaos to the calm. He is there in the trials. He is there in the joy. He reminds me I am uniquely suited for my particular life, and my life is perfectly designed just for me.

Why can’t I have your life? Because God is good and your life wouldn’t be perfect for me! Now I am ready to cherish the craziness, delight in the mess, overlook the imperfections, and embrace whatever the day throws at me. After all, it is the beautiful life God has given only me, and no other. Why would I desire anything else?

Walking by Flashlight

Since we can only see one step at a time, our journey of faith requires trust and dependence on God. Are you willing to walk by faith and not by sight?

I am a planner! I love to think three steps ahead so I can be prepared for anything. Unfortunately, life does not always allow me this luxury. As if life wasn’t already full of ups and downs, now with COVID, I never know how my plans might change from day today. From quarantines to canceled gatherings to unexpected illnesses, each day has unanticipated surprises. Some of you may thrive on the spontaneous nature of life, but I find it frustrating and extremely challenging.

In the song, “Still” by Hillary Scott, she sings “I get scared when I can’t see the end and all you want from me is to let go.” That is me! I can handle almost anything if I can see how it is going to end or where the path is leading. But put me in a situation where I cannot plan much in advance or predict what will happen, and I start feeling panicky.

However, I have realized that mostly this is by God’s design, not by accident. When the Israelites were in the desert, God could have chosen to mark a path to the Promised Land the whole way from beginning to end. But instead, He guided them daily, only giving them enough food for one day at a time. Because of this, the Israelites had to rely on God. They had to look to Him to show the path and provide for their needs. Independence was not an option, and trust was critical.

As I ponder this method of God’s guidance, it reminds me of a father carefully walking his child on a path through a dark forest. In one hand, the father gently holds the tender hand of his child with a firm grip, making sure to squeeze just enough to provide assurance and yet not so much it is stifling. With the other hand, he holds a small flashlight. With it, he illuminates just enough of the path that the child can see the next few steps. The father knows the path very well; he knows where every low-lying branch is above and where every small hole in the path will be. He knows where the trail turns, when it gets narrow, and when there is a treacherous cliff close by. The father also knows exactly where the path will end and what the breathtaking view will be like when they arrive.

Though the father knows the way well, the child is hesitant and unsure of what to expect. Surrounded by such darkness, only able to see small bits and pieces of the illuminated path, she must trust her father knows the way and will guide her accurately. She must expect he will protect her and let her know when she needs to duck for a branch or walk around an obstacle. If she lets go of his hand, she may find herself less likely to sense his perfect guidance. If she tries to walk ahead without him, she may find herself way off course or in a dangerous circumstance. It is best for her to take small steps, holding closely to her father’s hand, listening to his careful warnings, and willing to obey instantly when he gives direction. I can see this girl holding her father’s hand, looking up at him with such awe and trust, confident he will not fail her. She is safe, and she doesn’t need anything else but him.

This is the girl I long to be. Instead of desperately trying to take the flashlight away so I can run ahead and find my own way, I pray I can breathe deeply of my Father’s goodness and truly walk my path in peace, knowing He will show me every step I must take. Instead of squinting my eyes to try to discern what lurks ahead in the darkness, I hope to be focused only on what the flashlight illuminates, recognizing that God is pointing the light in a certain place for a specific purpose, trying to show me exactly what I need to see. If I spend so much time trying to look ahead, I may miss what he is pointing out right in front of my feet! I desire to trust Him so completely I stop asking Him, “Are we there yet?” and just enjoy each moment of the journey.

2 Corinthians 5:7 reminds us we “walk by faith, not by sight.” We push forward on our way not because we can see the end, but because we trust the One who is leading us. Today, as we each encounter the uncertainties of life and the surprises on our paths, I pray we will remember to grab hold of our heavenly Father’s hand, breath a deep sigh of relief that we have the perfect all-knowing guide right beside us, and then confidently take the next step on our journey without worrying about all the rest.

What do I really mean when I say “I can’t?”

My sweet James says very few words, but one phrase he has down well is “I can’t.” The other day, I asked him to pick up a piece of playdoh he had purposely thrown on the floor. He looked at me and in a whining voice said, “I can’t.” I stared straight back at him and replied, “Yes, you can!” He proceeded to argue, and of course, that’s when my stubborn streak kicked in. It was a stand-off. Would he pick up the playdoh or not? Would I back down or stand firm?

It took about 30 minutes of me standing post between the kitchen (where the playdoh was) and the hallway to his bedroom, insisting that he could not go play unless he picked up that piece of playdoh, before he finally chose to obey. He slowly scooped up the playdoh, dropped it in the trash can, and immediately started to sob. Of course, I hugged him and told him how proud I was of him for obeying, but it took a little while for the tears to subside.

I’m not certain why James started to cry, but this is something he does often when he finally submits and obeys. I’ve noticed this reaction many times and I have wondered what he is really feeling inside that brings out such intense emotion. My suspicion is that he is overcome with a reality we all must face–submitting your will is hard and requires allowing a little part of yourself to die and yet it also comes with a sense of relief. Galatians 5:24 says, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires,” and Jesus reminds us that “anyone who would come after me must deny himself (Luke 9:23).” When we obey, it requires us to sacrifice the fleshly part of us that wants our own way. It demands we fully recognize that our way is not best. That is not easy, and it hurts! But when we do it, God’s spirit within us can’t help but rejoice also. Even in the emotional pain of having to lose part of our fleshly selves, we know deep inside that what we did was good and pleasing to God. So maybe when James obeys he is feeling the sadness of having surrendered or maybe he’s feeling a tiny sense of relief and pride in that he chose the better way.

As I continue to reflect on story about James and the playdoh, I also am struck by how he so quickly said, “I can’t,” when I knew he could. It is true that there are many things James can’t do. He can’t read. He can’t ride a bike. He can’t cut his own food with a knife. But James can bend down, pick something off the floor, and put it in a trash can. There’s no question about whether or not he can do that. So why did he say he can’t do something. What did he really mean?

I tend to believe that what James meant was, “I don’t want to.” Oh, how easy it is to make excuses for things when we don’t want to do something. I realized how often we adults do the same thing when we clearly hear God call us to do a task that seems overwhelming, uninteresting, or just not something we want to do! I have to admit I often immediately start listing reasons in my head why I can’t do whatever it is God has asked. “I don’t have the time.” “I don’t know how.” “I don’t have the money or resources.” I’m never honest and say, “I don’t want to.” I talk around the issue and dig my heels in. Sometimes I even just wait a while and hope God forgets that he asked me to do something or I act like I didn’t hear Him. I mean really, when I truly analyze what tactics I will use to avoid doing something I KNOW God wants me to do, I must admit I can be ridiculously childish. Anyone else out there willing to admit to this?

Of course, God does not always insist on His own way, like I did with James. He allows us the freedom to stubbornly refuse to obey. And oh how many blessings we miss when we do. If James had just obeyed immediately without even thinking about it, he would have avoided so much frustration and tears. If he had been able to look past the fact that he didn’t want to do something and skip right to the part where he realized all would go much better if he just obeyed, then the story of the playdoh would have been one of joy and peace instead of sadness and tension.

As I continue in my journey of faith, my desire is to take “I can’t” out of my vocabulary and stop making excuses for not answering God’s call. I must not focus on my own weaknesses, inabilities, or desires but remember to trust God’s plan, His ability, and His provision. Maybe I can’t, but GOD CAN. If I will ever truly die to myself and surrender my will to the Lord completely, how many moments of sadness, regret, and suffering I might forego. I might shed some tears at the time, but maybe they’ll be tears of joy!

Thankfulness: It’s not just about remembering the past

Around Thanksgiving, we often are asked to list the things we are thankful for–friends, family, freedom, and such. We recount what God has done for us in our lives, remembering moments from our past when he has saved us, healed us, provided for us, loved us, forgiven us, and equipped us. But what if genuine thankfulness requires more than just recalling what God has done already? Maybe, in order to embrace all that thankfulness has to offer, we must also remember what God WILL do!

God is a promise keeper, a covenant maker. Our Good Father promises to strengthen us and help us (Isaiah 41:10), never leave us or forsake us (Deut. 31:8), instruct us and teach us (Psalm 32:8), give us rest (Matt. 11:28), renew us (Isaiah 40:31), give us peace (Phil 4:6-9), fight for us (Exod. 14:14), give us wisdom (James 1:5), forgive us (1 John 1:9), and give us eternal life (John 3:16). Of course, those are just a small sampling of all God has promised to do for us. The Bible is a whole testimony to God’s love and compassion for us all; it shows us just how far He is willing to go draw us to Him. Story after story in scripture reveals how God has kept His promises in the past and how we can trust him to keep His promises in the future.

No matter what our past or present holds, we must keep our eyes focused on the future God promises us. Your past may be full of heartache, trials, and pain. The moment you are in right now may be difficult, stressful, and far from anything you desire. But thankfulness cannot be all about today and it cannot be all about the past. It is about looking to the future and remembering what God has promised He will do. I am thankful that my past and present are not all there are for me. Praise be to the Promise-Keeper who I can trust with my future!

Equipped–Not Just a Cliché

When I think about one word that really captures my walk with God, the word that God often comes to mind is EQUIPPED. “God doesn’t call the equipped; he equips the called.“ I have heard this common phrase so often in my life it almost makes me cringe. It is very cliché, and yet, so true. But sometimes it helps to hear a real testimony of how God has equipped someone to do something truly beyond their own abilities. So here is my story.

Scripture tells us that before I was born, God had a special mission for me, so He created me just for that purpose. Well God made me a type-A, introverted personality, a person with a passion for math and order, someone well-suited for an accounting type of job. He gave me great skills in organization and list-making and focused little on honing my creative skills, things like sewing, cooking, art, and so forth. My upbringing as the youngest of four girls gave me quite a bit of experience in being the baby but not much experience in caring for a baby. In fact, truthfully I never even held a baby until my first nephew was born during my senior year of high school. In my later years, I got a degree in mathematics and became a high school math teacher. Before that, my only job experience was at a video store and then later repairing printers. So you can imagine, God had perfectly designed me and EQUIPPED me for a mission of maybe writing a math textbook or organizing a math convention, right?

Of course, that’s not even close to the mission God had called me to. First, he wanted me to marry a very spontaneous, unorganized, unplanned type of man who loves to throw my world into disorder with things like last-minute travel plans or by just showing up at the house with a new pet with no warning. [And what a dear husband he is to me!] Next, God wanted me to adopt not one, but three children. And did he have me do that in a well-organized, planned way, where I got to put to good use all those mathematical, logical, organizing skills? Of course not! With the first, I had about 2 weeks’ notice before bringing a 21-month old boy into our home. Then, with the second child, we had about 24 hours’ notice before we brought home a 4-day-old boy from the hospital. And with the third, I had only about 3 hours warning before Casey showed up at our door with another 7-month-old girl.

But God didn’t stop there. He wanted to add a little extra piece to my mission. At this point, you may be thinking that surely he is going to have a wonderful use for all those math skills! But you would be wrong. Instead, my youngest two children have a rare genetic condition which means that they are both developmentally delayed in all areas. My daughter is about 3-4 grades behind in school, and my youngest son is 13 but functionally at a developmental age of about 3-4 years old. He most likely will never be able to live independently. And in addition to all that, God’s additional mission for me was to homeschool my children.

Now, I’m not writing all of this to tell you how difficult my life is or why I need an extra helping of grace. The point is that by all human standards, I was completely ill-suited for the mission God had called me to. I had no experience with little ones, no training or even real desire to work with special needs kids, and certainly NOT the personality suited for a life of adventure, spontaneity, and challenges. But God!

But God empowered me and equipped me to fulfill His purpose and mission for my life. He’s given me adaptability, perseverance, resilience, understanding, creativity, and so many other things to help me along the way. He’s brought people in my life at just the right time to support me and provided material blessings when those were needed too.

Oftentimes, following God’s call is scary and uncertain. We doubt ourselves and our abilities. We wonder if we can do what He is asking or if we have the right knowledge or skills. But we must always remember that God desires to show His glory through us so He will also equip us for the missions He chooses for us. God wants to use our weaknesses to display His strength.

If you wonder if you are able to do what He’s calling you to do, chances are YOU are not…but He is. Don’t look to yourself to decide if you can tackle the mission in front of you; look only to God. Ask yourself one question–is this the path God wants me on? If the answer is “Yes”, step forward in faith and leave the rest to Him. He WILL equip you!

My Story – Growing by Surprises

If you are wondering how I chose the name for my site, here is the explanation…

Everyone has a story. Mine is about surprises. I am a planner by nature, a type-A personality that loves predictability, checklists, and organization. Spontaneity and going with the flow are not my strengths. So if I got to choose my own life path it would be perfectly planned and orchestrated from beginning to end, with NO surprises! But God loves to use our weaknesses to show His strengths, so my story has been filled with a variety of surprises, both good and bad. These events have shaped my character, my beliefs, and my faith. In a nutshell, here are just a few of the surprises that have pruned me, strengthened me, and shaped me along the way.

Surprise, you can’t bear children! When my husband and I decided to start a family, we never expected we would have any difficulty. The struggle of infertility brought me years of tears, anxiety, and shame. We tried various fertility treatments all in vain, and this journey of pain, humiliation, and quiet desperation led me to finally seek the Lord in ways I never had before. I leaned into Him for strength and wisdom and began to start asking Him to guide my path. I began to slowly let go of my own plan.

Surprise, here’s a child just for you!…and another…and another! The story of how three children came into our lives is a long and beautiful one. Some day, I’ll write a detailed version and post it here. In short, God first brought an adorable red-headed 21-month-old into our life and we adopted him. Then, about 2 years later, the mother of that same child had another baby, and we brought that 4-day-old baby boy home from the hospital. Finally, that same mother had another little girl. I’ll never forget my husband calling me and saying, “Jennifer, get ready. I’m bringing home a little 7-month-old girl. I’ll be home in 3 hours.” So over the course of about 3 years, we adopted these 3 siblings. Each time, we had less and less warning and time for preparation, but God always provided and equipped us to adapt to each situation. God showed me that He is the ultimate planner, so I don’t have to be. He had chosen these 3 children for our family before I ever did the first fertility treatment. I learned I could trust Him to guide my path; I just had to be willing to follow.

Surprise, your house is on fire! Not long after we welcomed the third child into our home, we were awakened in the middle of the night to our house in a blaze. We were all able to escape the fire just in time, but it was a devastating loss. God taught me two main things during this time. First, you don’t need all that stuff! It’s amazing what you can do without. More importantly, I learned how to ask for help. During this time of our life, so many other things happened as well and I came to a place where I could not function without the help of others. I learned how to admit that I can’t do it all, to rely on others, and to truly accept God’s provision and all the beautiful ways He wants to give it.

Surprise, your children have 15q24microdeletion! What? I know it sounds weird. I hadn’t heard of it either and most doctors haven’t also. When we adopted our children, we had no idea that 2 of them had this rare genetic deletion. But as they grew into the toddler years, we discovered they had delays in a variety of areas. They both struggled to meet the major milestones in their growth. Our daughter, age 12 now, is several grade levels behind, struggles to read, has lots of speech difficulties, and is a very slow processor. Our son, age 13, functions at about a 3-year-old level, and he especially struggles with communication. In all honesty, I was not born as the most nurturing, compassionate, or patient person. But that’s where God can do His biggest miracles. He has taught me so much, softened me, and equipped me beyond what could ever be imagined. It is only by the grace of God and His strength in me that I am able to homeschool these 2 special needs kids. [By the way, I homeschooled our other son, age 16 now, during grades 3 to 8. He is currently doing great at a private Christian school.]

In addition to these big surprises, my daily life is full of constant twists and turns–from the frequent spontaneous ideas of my husband to the joys of home schooling in the country with 16 chickens, 2 parakeets, and a hamster, I never know what to expect from day to day. But God shows me each day how He will comfort and guide me, if I will just abide in Him and take it one day at a time as I continue Growing by Surprise.

Training the Voices in Your Head

Whether we want to admit it or not, we all hear voices in our head. For some of us, those voices are encouraging and motivating. For others, they are condemning and negative. The voices you hear can be a good indicator of who or what you are allowing to speak to you on a regular basis. The good news is that you have the power to train those voices in your head–turning down the volume to the discouraging ones and tuning in to the ones guiding you to the Truth.

Right now in your life, who are you listening to? Are you listening to the voice of society convincing you to do whatever makes you happy, no matter the consequences? Are you listening to the voice of the Enemy trying to condemn you, shame you, or tempt you? Are you listening to the voice of your past, reminding you of huge regrets and lost dreams? Are you listening to the voice of a negative person in your life, telling you that you are not good enough or not worthy of love? Are you listening to social media, telling you how you wonderful your life will be if only you do _________? Whoever you are giving your attention to will be the one that gets the most airtime in your head.

When I was young, I often heard the voice of my mom or dad in my head. When I would go out with friends, I would hear my mother remind me to “Be sweet.” When I would be in a dark parking lot, I would hear my dad caution me to pay attention to my surroundings. When kids would pick on me at the playground or tease me during high school, I would hear them both encourage me with, “They’re just jealous,” or an acknowledgement that these difficult years are hard but won’t last forever. Even when my parents weren’t around, the words they spoke to me filled my mind and influenced what I did and how I thought.

As I matured and grew in my relationship with Christ, studying the Bible and filling my head with the Lord’s words, the voices of my parents were often replaced with the voices of my Heavenly Father. Now when I am exhausted and overwhelmed, I hear him say, “Come to me and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) When I feel tired from fighting a battle in my life, I hear him say, “I will fight for you. You need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:14) The more I actively listen to God’s word and let Him have my attention, the more I hear His voice above all the others.

There are times when people in my life say hurtful things, filling my head with doubts and condemnation. It is easy to let those discouraging words echo in my mind all day long until I am so beaten down that I want to give up or run away. On those days, the best thing for me to do is go out onto my porch, look out on God’s creation, and cry out to Him, asking Him to drown out those voices with His. It works! Scripture after scripture fills my head and those hurtful words from others fade to the background.

The voices you allow to speak loudly in your head can have a huge impact on your life, either deflating you and leading you to feel hopeless, unimportant, or lost or, in contrast, building you up and helping you feel empowered, worthy, useful, and loved. Don’t allow those voices to train you. Take the initiative to train them. Spend time with God and in His Word. Surround yourself with people who will remind you of His Truth and encourage you in your relationship with Him.

In John 10:27, Jesus, our Good Shepherd, reminds us, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” Let’s all make sure we are listening to our Shepherd’s voice and allowing only His to lead us through our lives.