Jennifer Dugger

A God Moment

A testimony of how God ministered to me in the midst of my pity party

Today’s blog post is a little different. I don’t have a specific topic or message in mind. I’m just going to share a moment from my week, giving you a testimony of how God has ministered to me tenderly and personally. My hope is that your faith and trust in our Lord are strengthened, and you realize you’re not alone in the mess and craziness of life.

To set the stage a bit, Tuesday morning, after getting out of bed and simply feeling depressed, I crawled back in bed and began to chat with my husband. Well, let’s be honest, I wasn’t just chatting. I was having a pity party. I rambled on and on about everything that was not going well. I remember saying, “I just wish one thing in my life could work really well!” Have you ever been there? It’s not a great place to be, but nevertheless, that was where I was on Tuesday morning.

Here are a few things that were the topic of my pity party rant…

My daughter’s reading skills – My sweet daughter struggles so much. I know this is mostly due to her genetic condition, but having a reason doesn’t make it easier to deal with. Since I homeschool her, it is easy to feel the weight of responsibility for her education and allow that to overwhelm me. Sometimes I can rise above and just take it one day at a time, but recently it has been hard to do that.
My weight – This is a constant battle for me. I am not terribly overweight, but I know I would feel so much better and be healthier if I could lose about 25 pounds. But all I want to do is shove food in my face. I feel like an animal about to hibernate for winter, wanting to store up as much food as I can! It’s terrible. I had been slowly losing until about Thanksgiving, and then I started gaining it back. Urgh. It just makes me irritated that I can’t have more self-control.
My house – Since the weather has been so yucky recently, I have been home even more than usual. Not much opportunity for field trips and park days when it’s rainy and cold. So I’m in my house a lot, and the walls are closing in on me. My house is tiny, and it’s crammed with stuff. As much as I try to organize and purge, I keep stepping over piles here and there. It feels as though I can never actually get it clean and tidy, which is very distracting to me when I am trying to get anything done.
My baking skills – A few days before, I spent hours baking small cakes for a girls’ cake decorating activity. They all were a crumbly mess and had to be completely redone. It’s so frustrating to not be able to do such a seemingly simple task. I felt like such a failure as a woman (even though I know that’s such a silly thing to think!)
My book – God has put it on my heart to write a book about all the joys and challenges of being a Sister in Christ. I started working on it in November, and I’m now on my fourth draft. It seems I keep recognizing things I need to change or improve. Recently, I have been trying to write my introduction, which is a huge struggle for me. Not only is writing NOT my natural gift (only a God-inspired calling), but I just have been at a loss for what to say and how to introduce the topic of my book. I am confident God wants me to write this book, but the words have not been coming.

Now, I realize that all of these things are insignificant compared to so many challenges and hardships others face (or even ones I have faced before). But the point of this post is not to show you the difficulties in my life, but rather how EVERYONE struggles…and how God showed up in the midst of my pity party!

First, my husband was so sweet. He just let me have my pity party with no judgment. He was supportive and encouraging, and he gave me a chance to talk out my frustrations. In doing that, I realized I needed to do something helpful and productive instead of going to eat some leftover cake, which is what I desperately wanted to do.

So, then I decided to go exercise. Now, this is not something I do regularly, though I know I should. I have an aversion to physical activity. But I knew that exercising would be a step in the right direction toward losing weight, and it would help improve my mood. So I got on my workout clothes, grabbed a bottle of water, did about 30 minutes of a workout video, and released some endorphins!

It was amazing how much just that one thing helped get me motivated for the day. I sat on the couch, ready for the next task. And I sat some more. And then I sat some more. You see, it’s great to have motivation, but you also have to a vision, discipline, courage, discernment, knowledge, and so many other qualities in order to tackle life’s challenges. I sat there still feeling overwhelmed. I had carved out the time to write in my book this day, but I was stumped. I had no words, no ideas, no inspiration. I realized what I desperately needed was to hear from the Lord.

I wasn’t sure what to read in my Bible, but I flipped through a journal that had the promises of God. One, in particular, caught my eye. “God will finish what he started” was the headline for the verse from Philippians 1:6. A few pages over, I read “God will supply for all our needs” as the title for Philippians 4:19. God seemed to be leading me to the book of Philippians.

I sat on my couch and listened to the whole book of Philippians all at once. [Side note: About a week ago, God put it on my heart that I needed to dedicate more time specifically to writing this book. He had called me to this task, yet I was just trying to squeeze it in when I could. I had not made it a priority. He inspired me to set aside this day for writing (and for Him), so I had already made sure I had several uninterrupted hours with no other goals for this time. This made it so much easier for me to spend the time reading a whole book of the Bible.] I sipped my coffee and listened, and God poured into my soul. It seemed like the whole book of Philippians was written just for me and just for this moment.

Image result for my god will meet all your needs

Here are a few of the parts that ministered to me…

1:6 – “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to the completion.” I KNOW God meant for me to write this book where I share my faith and inspire others to embrace their calling as Sisters in Christ. So God reminded me that HE will finish what HE started.

1:18 – “The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.” I realized that my heart was in the right place, and I was trying to share Christ with the world through this book. If I don’t write it perfectly or use the right words or stories, it is ok. The point is that “Christ is preached.”

2:5-8 – This is a section that begins with “Have the same mindset as Christ Jesus” and ends with “he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death–even death on a cross.” A great reminder of how I, too, must be humble and obedient.

2:14 – “Do everything without grumbling or arguing…then you will shine among them like stars.” In light of the previous section of Christ humbling himself, all my sorrows pale in comparison to Christ’s suffering. As I continued to read, my heart more easily recognized how silly some of my concerns were. I just needed to stop moaning and complaining and do what I needed to do.

3:13 – “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Oh, how I need to leave the past in the past and forget any failures or missteps that might be causing me to lack courage. I must push onward toward the goal.

4:1 – “Stand firm in the Lord” and 4:6 – “Do not be anxious about anything.” More good encouragement!

4:8 – “Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” I must discipline my mind and take my thoughts captive. If I fill my mind with Christ, he will overflow from my heart into the words I write.

4:9 – “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice.” That sounds like the Lord is telling me to write down my testimony right now!

4:19 – “My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Wow! What more do I need to hear but this?

Of course, those are just the highlights! Philippians is filled with so many more powerful ideas. I can only say that after listening to this, I felt full. My anxiety was gone and replaced with a bold passion for sharing my faith through my writing. I got out my computer, started writing, and I had that troublesome introduction done after a few hours and several more revisions and edits completed by the end of the night! It was a surreal experience. God made it so clear to me how much I can trust Him to guide and help me when I am simply willing to be obedient to His leading.

A few days later, I read chapter 7 in the book Chase the Lion by Mark Batterson. This whole book is about pursuing God-sized dreams. This chapter focuses on how dreams like this don’t just happen easily; they require effort, diligence, a long obedience in the same direction, and a deep sense of stick-to-itiveness. He ends the chapter by saying, “If God has released you (from the dream)…you need to let it go. And don’t look back. If God hasn’t released you, don’t let go! You have to hang in there. And when it feels as though you can’t hold on any longer, remember Eleazar, whose hand literally froze to the sword (a reference to 2 Samuel 23:10).”

That spoke directly to me and my situation. It is easy to be in the middle of a God-inspired dream and believe you must have misheard God because it is NOT working out the way you think it should. And that is where I have been over the last few weeks regarding this book. But Tuesday, when God spoke to me through the book of Philippians and breathed words into me so easily and naturally, it was evident that God has NOT released me from this dream, this mission. I must hang on, even when it feels hard or pointless.

There are so many other simple ways that God ministered to me this week, but I think I’ll have to leave that for another post. My pity party is over. God has given me renewed hope, vision, purpose, and passion. I have not solved all the problems I listed above, but I have changed my perspective, and that makes such a difference. I am so thankful for the Lord and the sweet, personal ways that He loves each one of us.

I pray you can see the Lord’s tender mercies in your own life today!

Bringing Our Loaves and Fish to Jesus

Sometimes we feel overwhelmed by our responsibilities. The story of Jesus feeding the 5000 reminds us to offer what we have to Jesus, and allow him to work the miracles in our lives.

Today I just feel overwhelmed…overwhelmed by the weight of all my responsibilities, wondering if I’m doing all I need to do, questioning my choices, and concerned about the future. Some days I wake up and live in a more robot-like state, doing the day’s tasks without thinking too deeply about it, on autopilot. Usually, I can push down all those negative thoughts, stuffing them way back in my mind where I only vaguely notice them, so I am able to get through the day joyfully and peacefully. But this morning, my thoughts are racing, and I feel a heavy weight in my soul as I begin the day.

Personally, I am especially worried about my children today. Yesterday I gave my daughter a reading assessment, and it opened my eyes to the depth of her struggles. It’s not that I didn’t already know she has profound reading problems; she’s is about 5 years below grade level in her reading. But watching her take the assessment, I became more acutely aware of each type of challenge she faces. She probably has dyslexia and may have some hearing issues. And this is just the beginning. My 2 special needs kids have so many difficulties I can’t begin to list them. When some parents are worried about whether or not their kids will get into college, I’m wondering if mine will ever be able to live independently, have a job, or drive a car. All of this weighs heavily on my heart, and I feel such a huge responsibility in trying to address all these challenges.

Of course, the point of this post is not for me to describe all my specific problems. The point is that we all have things like this that overwhelm us…financial strains, health problems, emotional struggles, and so forth. It is easy to look at whatever lies in front of us and feel ill-equipped, inadequate, and completely incapable of tackling the situation. We need miracles, and we know we can’t perform miracles…at least not on our own.

When I feel this way, I try to stop myself and listen to the voice of Jesus. I hear him gently comfort me and whisper encouragement in my ear. And I recall the story of him feeding the 5000. In Matthew 14:13-21, Jesus tells his disciples to give the crowds something to eat. Yes, he did give them the responsibility of taking care of the people, just like he gives us responsibilities in our lives. He didn’t just say, I’ll do it all. Jesus does expect something of us and wants our active participation. But exactly what is our part? What does he expect of us?

The disciples respond by saying, “We have here only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.” The disciples can’t offer much, but they bring what they have. They know what they have is meager and, frankly, doesn’t even come close to meeting the crowd’s food demands. But they bring it anyway. They offer what they have.

Then Jesus says, “Bring them here to me,” and he is the one that performs the miracle and feeds the 5000. This is what Jesus says to us, “Bring me what you have. I know how to use what you have to work miracles.”

How do I face today with so much weighing on my heart and such responsibility in front of me? I look around and find my “loaves and fishes.” One day it may be that all I have to offer is simply my willingness and enthusiasm. Another day it may be that I can find a specific task to accomplish. Personally, today I am going to research a specialized reading curriculum for my daughter. I can’t solve all her reading problems today, but I can do this one thing. Oftentimes our “loaves and fishes” seem so inadequate we almost feel ridiculous offering them up. I’m sure the disciples felt the same, offering only 5 loaves and 2 fish for 5000 people. But Jesus didn’t say, “Well, that won’t work. Throw those out, and I’ll cook up something great.” Instead, he told them to bring them to him. Jesus wants us to humbly offer what we have to him, actively doing our part and trusting him to do the rest.

Today, if you are feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath and rest in Jesus. Look around and see what “loaves and fish” you can offer to him. Don’t worry about whether it seems like enough. But believe in miracles and trust in God’s perfect power, plan, and provision. The Lord knows just what to do with what you have to offer!

Living in the Valley

Everyone experiences moments when they are weary of their current job or mission. What do you do to get out of that slump and find joy in the journey again?

Today I woke up and just had a case of the “don’ts.” I don’t want to do my job. I don’t see much progress. I don’t have a clear vision or purpose in my head. I don’t have much motivation to keep pushing forward. I just DON’T. I think everyone has this problem sometimes. The ministry or job or mission we once were excited about has now become a chore, drudgery, unfulfilling, overwhelming, exhausting, or altogether NOT exciting. I call this place “the valley.” The wonderful honeymoon period is over, and now it’s just work. Umph! Everyone will experience being in the valley at some moment in life. Maybe it will just last a day; maybe it will last years.

So what do you do to survive when you’re there? And how do you claw your way out of the valley to once again find that mountaintop enthusiasm? I don’t have all the answers, but I do have plenty of experience living in this valley place. So I will share with you what I do when I am living in the valley.

Recognize Satan’s desire for you to be wandering around in the valley. The first thing I have to do is open my eyes to Satan’s attacks on me and the mission God has called me to. The Enemy wants me disillusioned, frustrated, and unmotivated. As soon as I become aware that my diminished excitement might be used by the Enemy, it heightens my desire to get up and fight and put my armor on. Sometimes just the visual in my head of Satan smiling at my current attitude is enough to get me up and working again.
Change your perspective. Try looking at the long-term goal instead of the short term. You might not be seeing immediate results in what you are doing, but you can recognize that your efforts will pay off in the end. For example, maybe you haven’t lost a lot of weight this week, but maybe you are making life-long healthy habits that will benefit you for years. Or maybe you need just the opposite–to look only at the short-term instead of the long-term. Sometimes for me, I’m so caught up in the long-term lofty goals that I become overwhelmed. So I will just focus on the very short-term. What do I need to do today? I will stop worrying about all that lies ahead and just take the next step. Or maybe you need to redefine what success looks like in your current situation. It’s possible you’re being too hard on yourself. Find the positives instead of focusing on the negatives. What is working? What part of your mission is satisfying? Just try to look at your situation with new eyes and see if a small perspective shift can offer you big encouragement.
Pray specifically about your situation. Ask God to give you a clear vision, wisdom for what to do next, or renewed enthusiasm. Ask Him to let you know if this mission is still where he wants you or if He is calling you to something different. Sometimes we are in the valley because we actually are off course. Maybe we are not where God wants us to be, and He is trying to get our attention to guide us on another path. Don’t just pray general prayers. Be bold and be specific. God is a miracle-worker. Have faith that He can and will do big things in your life. And pray often. Have an on-going conversation with Him, and eventually, you will hear Him loud and clear.
Talk to your brothers and sisters in Christ. God has given us others to help speak wisdom into our lives. Sometimes it just takes talking out your struggles and worries with someone else to move out of the valley. However, I caution you to always check your friend’s wisdom against God’s Word. Don’t allow worldly views to overshadow God’s Truth. But the wise counsel of friends can be a huge help and encouragement whenever you are floundering.
Listen to some good praise and worship music. God designed us to respond to music. It is very therapeutic and can sometimes be just the thing you need to flip the switch from being depressed and frustrated to energetic and optimistic. So find some songs that minister to your soul, and sing out loudly to praise the Lord.
Take a small break to step back from it all. It is ok to stop and do something else. Maybe take a day off of work. Go for a walk. Take a bubble bath. Many times we believe that we must push through our difficulties and forge ahead. But actually, there are times when the opposite is needed. Sometimes it is best to just stop everything. Even Jesus took time to escape his own duties to have time alone and seek the Lord. So it is ok for you to take a moment to refresh your spirit and renew your vision.
Most importantly, lean into God. Of course, that’s easier said than done. Christians talk all the time about “abiding in Christ,” but what does that mean exactly? How do you do that when you are discouraged, confused, and weary? Here’s my suggestion–instead of thinking about inviting God into your life, recognize that He is already there. Right now, I’m sitting in my living room alone, thinking that I should wake up my kids to get started for the day but really, I just want to go back to sleep. So here is what I am doing to get myself back on track… I actually visualize Jesus sitting on the couch across from me, like a close friend has stopped by to visit. I imagine Him smiling at me, encouraging me, reminding me to take it just one moment at a time. In some ways, it’s easier to think about what a close friend might say to me (but really often, those close friends ARE the voice of Jesus). I let myself really feel His presence comforting me. I imagine what I think He would say to me at this moment. Sometimes it might be, “Go back to sleep, my daughter. You need some rest.” Other times it might be, “Come on. Get up. We have work to do TOGETHER.” This technique can be both convicting and motivating. Let’s be honest. When we are alone, we do lots of things we wouldn’t do if someone was watching. So (in a very non-condemning way), recognize that the Lord IS watching you. He IS present. That is both comforting and a bit terrifying. But sometimes we need a little of both to get us going–a friend but also some accountability.

The above suggestions are not a magic formula. They are simply various ideas that have helped me over the years. Remember, God is not surprised by your current emotional state. He knows you will be in the valley at some point, maybe even the desert (and He’s had plenty of experience with people in these lonely, unpleasant places). He knows that whatever mission He has called you to will require Him. He doesn’t want you independent. He wants you dependent on Him. So if you are feeling lost, wondering what in the world you are doing or why you are doing it, or are just weary on the journey, you are not alone. Being in the valley does not mean you lack faith or are doing something wrong; it is just a common stop on the path of life. My hope is that you won’t stay there long. But as you persevere in your valley moment, I pray that you find peace in the loving hands of the Almighty Father.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

The Idols in Our Lives

Do you allow anything other than God to pull at your heart, steer your path, or influence your actions? Are there certain people, dreams, or circumstances that distract you from God and His mission? Whether we realize it or not, idols can invade our lives in very subtle ways, promising to fulfill us and then eventually leaving us unsatisfied and discontent.

To be honest, when I was a newer Christian, and we discussed the Ten Commandments in Bible class or had a devotional about the idols in our lives, I kind of dismissed the topic, convinced I didn’t have any idols in my life. I would say to myself, “Of course, the Lord is the one true God and my only love. I would never put any other before Him. I would never worship another god.” I had the misconception that idols would be obvious in my life, such as a specific addiction, very apparent worship of something (other than God), or over-the-top obsession. I falsely believed that having an idol in your life was a conscious decision to put something else above God. How wrong I was!

Idols can be very sneaky. Without you knowing, they can pry their way into your heart very subtly, masquerading as something Godly. They can even begin as good intentions or God-inspired ideals and then become twisted and warped by our own fleshly nature.

1 John 5:21 says, “Dear Children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts.” Wow! When you put it that way, I’m immediately convicted. Maybe I do have idols in my life, after all. What is it that has taken over God’s rightful place in my heart?

Is it my need for perfection? Do I put so much effort into being a “good” Christian that I let that guide my heart more than God? Some people fill their day with a list of To-Do items, desperately trying to satisfy an image they have in their head of what success means, even Godly success. Cooking perfect meals, planning engaging lessons, preparing awe-inspiring sermons or blog posts, creating beautifully wrapped care-packages for a neighbor–all these things are good and worthy causes. But are they your purpose or mission? Of course not; the purpose of these things is to minister to or bless others and share Christ through that ministry. If we lose sight of that and focus our thoughts on the product or result instead of the purpose, or if we spend so much time DOING this work that we don’t spend time ABIDING in Christ, then we have made those things our idols.

Is my idol my desire for validation and approval? Do I let other people’s opinions of me overshadow what God says is true? Do I allow others’ words to carry more weight in my heart than God’s Word? Maybe I am doing certain tasks just to get noticed instead of in obedience to God. I might avoid being bold about sharing my faith or go along with the crowd when I should be the voice of Jesus in a situation. Or I could simply allow my mind to be filled with others’ thoughts and ideas instead of with the Lord’s Truth. (I wrote a post a while back about false joy and how easily my world can crumble when I hear a harsh word from a friend or family, even if I fully disagree with what they have said and know they have an inaccurate perception of me.) Our need for acceptance can easily become an idol, causing us to dismiss the Spirit’s voice in our lives.

Could my idols be my children and my husband? Have I made my life so much about them that God has been pushed aside and is given only a small pittance of my time and energy? Maybe we give so much of ourselves to our families that we forget to give ourselves to the Lord. Yes, we all have responsibilities to serve our children and spouses. We have jobs and housework and mission work that we cannot just overlook. But caring for our homes, our families, and our friends should be a response to our relationship with Christ, not a substitute. We cannot look to our husbands and children to fill our needs. We should not care so much about pleasing them that we neglect other aspects of God’s calling in our lives. We must not put spending time with them above spending time with the Lord.

When I reflect on my life, I can see how these kinds of idols have crept into my mind and relationships during different seasons. There are moments I do a good job of pushing them out of my life almost completely. But if I am not careful, they will creep back in ever so slyly.

These idols in our lives, these things that try to replace God in our hearts–they find their way into our hearts because of our longings, our desires, our desperations for things that will fill the holes in our lives. But idols are FALSE gods. They aren’t the real thing, so they will never satisfy us, and they will never fully quench our thirst. Only God can do that. In fact, that’s a good way to discern an idol in your life–something you seek after and yet never satisfies your longing.

My house will never be clean enough. My kids will never be obedient enough. My marriage will never be fulfilling enough. My writing will never be good enough. My friendships will never be deep enough…

There is not ENOUGH in this world because God designed us for eternal desire. No other idol in our life will ever fill us, satisfy us, or complete us. There will only be one thing that is enough for us–our sweet Lord.

“For He satisfies the longing soul.” (Psalm 107:9)

May you spend your days seeking after the only one who will satisfy all the longings of your soul!

Passing the Torch

I love it when God reveals something to me in scripture that I have never seen before! So let me share it with you.

In Joshua 1:9, God declares, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

I have heard this verse quoted so many times. In fact, I even have a plaque on my wall with it. It is a great verse that shares one of God’s promises, not only to the Israelites but also to us. I love this verse, so I decided to dig deeper into it and study it in context. Here’s a quick summary:

Moses has just died, and the Lord is declaring Joshua as the Israelites’ new leader. He tells them that they are about to cross the Jordan River into the land He has promised them, and He reminds Joshua of all His promises. He says He will be with Joshua as He was with Moses and never leave him. He also gives a short warning that they must obey God’s law and meditate on it, but he ends with the exhortation to be strong and courageous because He will be with them.

When I think of all the things God could have told Joshua, it warms my heart to think of the tenderness of God. He could have given Joshua a long list of commands and strategies. “Ok, Joshua, get out some paper, and write down this list of things to do and what to pack.” He could have used scare tactics to convince Joshua he better obey. “I am the Lord of the earth. I can smite you down with one breath, so you better do exactly as I say.” He could have given him a “Suck it up, buttercup” type of speech, reminding Joshua that things could always be worse.

Instead, God gave Joshua a pep talk. He knew what Joshua had to do was hard and terrifying, so God chose to encourage him. Our Lord wants to be our encourager, too. Our God is not unaware of the challenges we face. He knows our struggles and our temptations and does everything He can to move us in the right direction, guard us from our own sinfulness, and give us what we need for each moment.

So what happens after this pep talk? That’s the part I never really noticed. What did Joshua do in response? He shared this message with his people. He told the people to get ready, and he reminded them of all that the Lord would give them. In fact, he talks about the Lord giving them or having given them something five times in the next few verses…

“Take possession of the land the Lord your God is giving you for your own” (v 11)
“The Lord your God will give you rest by giving you this land.” (v 13)
“Until the Lord gives them rest, as he has done for you” (v 15)
“Until they too have taken possession of the land the Lord your God is giving them” (v 15)

Joshua doesn’t just give the people orders. He reminds them of the Lord’s hand in their mission.

I’ve read this passage so many times in my life, but this time, what stood out to me was this “passing of the torch” aspect of our walk with God. God whispers to us, mentors us, and reminds us of HIS promises to us. Then our response should be to turn around and share that with others in our lives. We don’t keep that to ourselves. We remind all those we meet about how faithful God is in keeping His promises and how he will “be with us everywhere we go.”

On a more personal note: I know that if you were to hand-pick a scripture about sharing your faith with others, the first chapter of Joshua is not the one you would choose. In fact, I wouldn’t even say that the purpose of this scripture is to remind us of that aspect of our spiritual journey. But God’s Word is powerful and speaks to us individually in amazing ways.

Earlier this week, I read a book about studying God’s Word in more depth. It inspired me to look at scripture with new eyes. It reminded me to explore the original context of the passage and always search for what the verse reveals about God and His character. So I did that very thing with Joshua 1:9, a verse so familiar it had almost lost its impact. This blog post is a result of that newly inspired study technique. I hope it has encouraged you to read God’s Word with fresh eyes, eagerly anticipating Him to speak to you in new and exciting ways.

What Are Your Dreams?

Sometimes God doesn’t fulfill our dreams, but He always give us what we need.

When you were young, did you ever play MASH with your friends? It’s a creative exercise where you write down possibilities for the type of house you will live in, the car you will drive, the person you will marry, the job you will do, the number of children you will have, or other aspects of your future. You write down your dreams but also some options that would be the opposite of your desire. There are a variety of ways to play, but ultimately you end up circling one option in each category and this supposedly foretells your future. Of course, during the process, you are crossing your fingers that you won’t get certain unfortunate options, like the shack and the station wagon.

One of the fun aspects of this game is that each person’s unique personality impacts what is written on the paper and represents a “win” in this game. For some, a cozy cottage in England would be just perfect, while others desperately want a mansion in LA. When I played, I always wanted the mansion and a convertible sports car. I remember daydreaming with my sisters about where we would want to live when we were older. Some wanted a country farm, away from the hustle and bustle of the city–quiet, charming, simple. Not me. I wanted a castle house. You know, those houses that have all the intricate rooflines, made of brick and stone, that you drive by and think, “Wow, that looks like a castle!” That’s what I wanted. I absolutely did NOT want to live in the country, be on a farm, or be away from the city. I desired to be right in the middle of it all and have all the glitz and glamour of city life. My parents jokingly remarked one time that I better make sure I marry for money if I’m going to have all I was dreaming of.

So flash forward about 30 years, and where am I now? I live in a single wide mobile home on 2.5 acres of land in the country. We have chickens in our backyard, I drive a minivan, and I can assure you my life has no glitz or glamour. We live a modest, simple life…and I love it!

What happened to my dreams? How did I go from having a real aversion to living in the country to having such delight in my country home? My only explanation is that God understands our dreams better than we do ourselves, and He has given me the dream He knew I needed. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Some may translate this as, “Believe in the Lord, and He will give you what you want (assuming it’s within His will).” But when I read this verse, I hear it as, “Trust in the Lord and commit yourself to following His will, and God will change your heart so you desire what He wants you to have.” Honestly, I’m not a Biblical scholar, so I’m not sure what the original meaning of those words is. But my interpretation of the verse is what God has shown to be true in my life so many times. If I will fully embrace God, trust Him, and submit my will to Him, then He will transform my life and my dreams to match His.

I never specifically decided I didn’t want to live in the city. I did not weigh the pros and cons and make a choice that country life was what I needed. God simply spent years transforming my heart, changing my desires, and drawing me close to Him. Through so many varied experiences and the power of the Spirit, God lovingly put in my heart the desires I now have.

So I don’t look back at lost dreams as a regret. My childish dreams may have satisfied me for a moment, but I am thankful God did not give me what I asked for. He knew the joy I would feel looking out at the trees and listening to the birds’ beautiful song. He understood how much I would appreciate the space for our children to run and play outside. And He recognized the benefit I would gain from living a simple, modest life, rather than feeling the pressure that sometimes comes with the “glitz and glamour.” Instead of feeling regret, I smile and cherish the tender way God has given me beyond what I dreamed, better than what I imagined, and more than I expected.

God is the ultimate dream maker. What unexpected dreams has he inspired in you?

Glowing in the Dark

As Christians, what does it take for us to glow in the dark?

My husband and I have a funny habit of losing the remote control to our tv almost every night! After Casey selects a tv show, he will usually lay the remote on his chest and then drift off to sleep. Right before he falls all the way asleep, he will rouse just enough to either hand me the remote or turn off the tv himself. If the remote has moved at all and he cannot find it quickly, he will ask me where I put it. Of course, I’m usually half asleep myself, so I grumpily will say some snide remark like, “Wherever you put it,” or “You had it last.” Then we both will spend a few minutes groping all over the covers trying to find the remote. By then, one or both of us is fully awake again, and now we have to choose another show to put us to sleep. And the ritual will start all over again. The problem with our remote control is that it is white, and our comforter is mostly white, so it blends in very easily. Thus, my brilliant Christmas present gift to us both this year was a glow-in-the-dark remote control cover. Problem solved…or so I thought.

At first, it seemed to be just what we needed. When the lights are on, it is a bright blue that contrasts well with our comforter. Then once the lights are off, it glows a very subtle blue–not enough to be irritating, but just enough to be visible in the dark. But there is one problem with glow-in-the-dark items, they only glow when they have had enough exposure to the light. So if the lights in our bedroom have not been on much before bedtime, the remote will barely glow. Ugh.

Last night, as I struggled once again to find the remote and pondered this aspect of glow-in-the-dark objects, it occurred to me that the Christian’s journey is much like this. We are not a self-sustaining source of light. We derive our light from God. When we are living in His light, abiding in Him, breathing Him in, absorbing all He has to offer, then we are able to glow brightly even in the darkest moments. But when we become so distracted that we fail to spend time with Him in prayer or study His Word, then our light often dims or fades altogether. When the dark comes–those difficult situations or challenges that test or tempt us–we may find that we do not shine as brightly as we had hoped we would.

I know this is definitely true in my life. Almost without fail, if I start to notice that impatience or anger are getting the best of me or I’m starting to become overly depressed or worried, I will recognize that I also am not prioritizing my time with the Lord during that period of time. Usually, the times when my spiritual “fruit” is not looking very tasty coincide with the periods when I am not abiding in Christ. There is a direct relationship between the amount of time I spend with the Lord and the amount of “glowing” I do in my relationships with others.

Confession time…these last few weeks have been a time when I have not been spending as much time in prayer and study…and it shows! I noticed that I have not been writing as much recently, but I thought it was just the distraction of Christmas festivities. Yet, even when I had free time, I was not inspired to write anything. Then I realized a simple truth–it is very hard to pour out into others when I am not filling myself first. So I got back into God’s Word and spent some time in prayer. Almost immediately, my head was flooded with ideas of encouragement and wisdom I wanted to share with others. As I saturated myself with the light of Jesus, I became inspired, motivated, and more able to spread that light to others.

So the next time you find your light dimming or your glow fading, when you seem to lack enthusiasm for your Christian mission, when you’re finding it hard to produce spiritual “fruit,” or when the darkness seems to be overwhelming you, stop and take notice of how much true light you are letting into your life. Ask yourself, “Am I exposing myself to enough light that I can glow in the dark?”

Friends, I pray you seek Jesus daily and spend ample time soaking up His heavenly rays. Allow Jesus to flood your soul with so much light that you cannot help but glow in the dark!

Why Can’t I Have Your Life?

Do you suffer from life envy? Sometimes I do. This morning I browsed my Facebook news feed and instantly started feeling depressed. I saw posts of everyone’s “perfect” life and thought, “Why can’t I have your life?”

One woman shared beautiful photos and a description of their family’s advent tradition. I thought, “Yeah, well, try that at my home. One kid would be fighting over who got to light the candle and another would be fussing about having to sit and listen to an advent devotional.”

Another woman posted photos of her perfectly decorated mantel. It looked like something out of a magazine. I scanned my living room with toys strewn around, stockings lying on the floor because we have no mantel, and a variety of mismatched decorative Christmas items placed here and there. I promise you, the only way photos of my house will be in a magazine is if someone wants to show examples of homes that need decorating makeovers.

As I scrolled down, I saw a post about a family who was beginning their Christmas break already, two weeks before we will start ours. I could feel my face scowl a little as I thought, “We are so behind and my kids need so much help, there’s no way I can take a break.” Her declaration reminded me how overwhelmed I feel by my children’s learning disabilities and my heart sank a little thinking of everything I need to teach them.

Then I came to a photo of a woman standing in a beautiful house with a glorious Christmas tree. Her kids smiled and looked as if they were dancing joyfully as they trimmed the tree. My mind flashed to the terrible scene at our house just a week ago when our family attempted to decorate our Christmas tree. I won’t go into the details but it ended with one person crying, another person angry, and the tree was only half decorated. It certainly was not the joyous scene I saw on that Facebook post.

Can anyone relate? Do any of you peek into another person’s life and wonder why you can’t experience that same thing in your own life? I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I can’t seem to help myself. And it steals my joy every time.

So what do I do? How do I move forward today when my head is already filled with such negative thoughts suggesting my own life is not as desirable, enjoyable, valuable, or maybe even as spiritual as another’s?

First, I shift my perspective and try to view all of this from the point-of-view of those other women. If I shared my thoughts with each of those women, what would they say to me? I imagine them shaking their heads, gently smiling at me, convincing me that their lives are not as wonderful as they might appear, and maybe even suggesting they sometimes envy my life. I recognize that the snapshots of people’s lives we often see are not their whole story. Everyone has messy moments, undesirable circumstances, and parts of their lives they would rather people not see. We all know, “we can’t judge a book by its cover.” Well, we can’t discern the reality of a person’s life merely by a Facebook post or even what we see in simple daily interactions. People’s lives are much more complicated. So I remind myself that the life I’m envying at the moment certainly also has it’s own share of hardships and flaws too. Nobody’s life is perfect.

Then, I remind myself of some of the beautiful things in my own life. Thankfulness is key to contentment and joy. I must be honest about the great parts of my life and purposefully notice the specific ways God has blessed me. I may not have a huge house, but I don’t have a house payment either. I may not have a fireplace with a mantel, but that just saves me from another household chore of cleaning out that fireplace. Maybe we aren’t taking a break from school at the moment, but I am very fortunate to be able to homeschool our children and have the flexibility many others don’t have. Our family isn’t doing an advent devotional this year, but the delight my kids show when they see Buddy Elf (and Cindy, his elf sister) doing various funny things around the house is precious. Our Christmas tree decorating night didn’t go well the first time, but our family reconciled, forgave, and tried again a few days later. (A spirit of forgiveness is worth more than gold!) We had a great time the second time around, and our tree is filled with ornaments of sweet memories. The joy of Christmas is still alive in our home, though it may reveal itself in unique ways. As I continue filling my thoughts with gratitude, the jealousy fades and is replaced with joy.

Finally, I center my thoughts on Jesus and His desires for me. When I assess my life, I must see it through His eyes, not the world’s. I must push aside all my preconceived notions of what is perfect, beautiful, and worthy, and seek only His will. When He looks at my life, what does He see? If I view my life as a movie or photo being critiqued by others, needing to be perfectly edited, staged, or cropped in order to be considered worthy, I will quickly lose focus, become distraught, and miss the Lord’s sweet gifts to me. I must live for an audience of one, only concerned with God’s perspective.

So as I begin my day, I let all those images of other people’s “perfect” lives drift out of my head. Instead, I allow God to whisper encouragement to me. He sees each moment of my life, from the chaos to the calm. He is there in the trials. He is there in the joy. He reminds me I am uniquely suited for my particular life, and my life is perfectly designed just for me.

Why can’t I have your life? Because God is good and your life wouldn’t be perfect for me! Now I am ready to cherish the craziness, delight in the mess, overlook the imperfections, and embrace whatever the day throws at me. After all, it is the beautiful life God has given only me, and no other. Why would I desire anything else?

Adults Need Rewards Too!

How do you keep yourself motivated when you don’t see any progress and feel overwhelmed?

Do you ever have days when you want to throw up your hands and quit homeschooling? Some days are like that for me. I get overwhelmed or feel like we are making no progress at all, and it all seems so fruitless. Sometimes I might work so hard planning a particular activity, and then my kids will stare at me like I’m crazy. I’ll wonder why I even bothered trying. Fortunately, there are other days when everything goes smoothly, and it feels like the moment is exactly what homeschooling should always be like. Those days are such blessings from God. But what do you do on the days where things are not going right? How do you persevere? How do you keep yourself motivated?

I would be foolish to skip over the most obvious answer–abide in Christ. Absolutely, there is no way to do this job without embracing the Lord’s power, wisdom, and guidance in this endeavor. There have been so many times I have cried out to Him in desperation, asking for Him to show me if this is still His desire for me, and so far, He has always answered me in such sweet, personal ways.

About a year ago, I honestly thought I had come to the end of my abilities in teaching my special needs kids at home. I had no idea how to progress or even if homeschooling was in their best interest. That week at our co-op meeting, I suddenly felt the urge to go outside and check on my kids during their PE time. What I saw ministered to my heart and confirmed my choice. All the kids in their class were taking turns helping my kids, encouraging them, and guiding them through an obstacle course. They held their hands, cheered for them, taught them, and sometimes did the activity with them just to keep them going. At that moment, it was as if God was saying, “Jennifer, you are not alone. I have put other people in your kids’ lives to help them. Look around. I am providing for you. You can do this because I am doing it with you.”

When we ask, God will show us each step of our path and whisper words of encouragement to us. But that is not all there is. He has also given us other tools to help us on this journey. We can reach out to others for support and wisdom. Sometimes just hearing another person share her story and how she is handling a certain difficulty can make my own problem not seem so unmanageable. Also, we can take a break. It’s okay to take a day off or even a few weeks off to regain perspective, revamp your plan, or refresh your spirit.

My personal favorite way to keep myself motivated is to reward myself. Homeschooling can often be a thankless job. Maybe your kiddos tell you how much they love your teaching and how much they appreciate all your hard work, but mine do not. My job is just an expected part of our family life, not necessarily anything that gets praised much. If my children are being successful, it is easy to gain satisfaction from seeing their progress. Whether anybody says a word to me, I can feel motivated to keep working just because I see the fruit of my labor. But what about when there just doesn’t seem to be any fruit hanging around? What if all your efforts seem to be ill-received or ineffective? What do you do then?

I have learned to reward myself for my own effort, not my specific success. Some days it is a day off. Sometimes it is a special treat at the end of the day. Other times it is buying something that will make my life easier, like a new planner or even more expensive but more teacher-friendly curriculum. Or maybe I just have dinner delivered instead of cooking that night!

Friends, God is not a hard task-master, demanding you work yourself into exhaustion and produce fantastic results. He doesn’t expect perfection; he just wants your faithfulness. His only expectation is for you to trust His plan, remain in Him, and follow His lead. Don’t be discouraged if you do not see results. Don’t feel disappointed in yourself if you need a break or some extra motivation. God is delighted in you!

May the Lord give you a renewed enthusiasm, an encouraged spirit, and an extra measure of perseverance today as you continue on your journey!

Walking by Flashlight

Since we can only see one step at a time, our journey of faith requires trust and dependence on God. Are you willing to walk by faith and not by sight?

I am a planner! I love to think three steps ahead so I can be prepared for anything. Unfortunately, life does not always allow me this luxury. As if life wasn’t already full of ups and downs, now with COVID, I never know how my plans might change from day today. From quarantines to canceled gatherings to unexpected illnesses, each day has unanticipated surprises. Some of you may thrive on the spontaneous nature of life, but I find it frustrating and extremely challenging.

In the song, “Still” by Hillary Scott, she sings “I get scared when I can’t see the end and all you want from me is to let go.” That is me! I can handle almost anything if I can see how it is going to end or where the path is leading. But put me in a situation where I cannot plan much in advance or predict what will happen, and I start feeling panicky.

However, I have realized that mostly this is by God’s design, not by accident. When the Israelites were in the desert, God could have chosen to mark a path to the Promised Land the whole way from beginning to end. But instead, He guided them daily, only giving them enough food for one day at a time. Because of this, the Israelites had to rely on God. They had to look to Him to show the path and provide for their needs. Independence was not an option, and trust was critical.

As I ponder this method of God’s guidance, it reminds me of a father carefully walking his child on a path through a dark forest. In one hand, the father gently holds the tender hand of his child with a firm grip, making sure to squeeze just enough to provide assurance and yet not so much it is stifling. With the other hand, he holds a small flashlight. With it, he illuminates just enough of the path that the child can see the next few steps. The father knows the path very well; he knows where every low-lying branch is above and where every small hole in the path will be. He knows where the trail turns, when it gets narrow, and when there is a treacherous cliff close by. The father also knows exactly where the path will end and what the breathtaking view will be like when they arrive.

Though the father knows the way well, the child is hesitant and unsure of what to expect. Surrounded by such darkness, only able to see small bits and pieces of the illuminated path, she must trust her father knows the way and will guide her accurately. She must expect he will protect her and let her know when she needs to duck for a branch or walk around an obstacle. If she lets go of his hand, she may find herself less likely to sense his perfect guidance. If she tries to walk ahead without him, she may find herself way off course or in a dangerous circumstance. It is best for her to take small steps, holding closely to her father’s hand, listening to his careful warnings, and willing to obey instantly when he gives direction. I can see this girl holding her father’s hand, looking up at him with such awe and trust, confident he will not fail her. She is safe, and she doesn’t need anything else but him.

This is the girl I long to be. Instead of desperately trying to take the flashlight away so I can run ahead and find my own way, I pray I can breathe deeply of my Father’s goodness and truly walk my path in peace, knowing He will show me every step I must take. Instead of squinting my eyes to try to discern what lurks ahead in the darkness, I hope to be focused only on what the flashlight illuminates, recognizing that God is pointing the light in a certain place for a specific purpose, trying to show me exactly what I need to see. If I spend so much time trying to look ahead, I may miss what he is pointing out right in front of my feet! I desire to trust Him so completely I stop asking Him, “Are we there yet?” and just enjoy each moment of the journey.

2 Corinthians 5:7 reminds us we “walk by faith, not by sight.” We push forward on our way not because we can see the end, but because we trust the One who is leading us. Today, as we each encounter the uncertainties of life and the surprises on our paths, I pray we will remember to grab hold of our heavenly Father’s hand, breath a deep sigh of relief that we have the perfect all-knowing guide right beside us, and then confidently take the next step on our journey without worrying about all the rest.